; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
