i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
