come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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