im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
