I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
