i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
