btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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