New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
