some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
