That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
