I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
