Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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