the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
