oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
