you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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