i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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