whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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