Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
