Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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