Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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