Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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