I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
