So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
