i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there is puke in my bra ... again
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