i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize