Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
