He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
