you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
