This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
