can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
