We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize