youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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