oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
