Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize