Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
