my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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