who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
