Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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