what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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