ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like eating out sand paper
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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