what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
