I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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