whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
