It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
