I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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