I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
