I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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