You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
