if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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