My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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