I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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