he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
