allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize