So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
