bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
