Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
