I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
