I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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