I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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