meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
