I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
