Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
