Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
